Again
by Reonblade
Summary: Just as Arima Kousei becomes a legend amongst pianists, one chance meeting throws him into disarray. Her appearance, her sound… and her name all match the lingering ghost of his past. Miyazono Kaori.
1. Prologue: Sostenuto

**Prologue:  
Sostenuto**

* * *

The pianist addressed his audience with the utmost apathy.  
The applause didn't even reach his ears.  
It was because Arima Kousei was already in another world, in another plane of existence that no other could comprehend.

 _ **I miss you**_

Chopin represented tragedy, rebirth and naivety. It was complimentary to Arima. His sounds were enveloped in so much sorrow, so much regret, that every reverberation forced tears onto its listeners. The chromatic cascade of notes scattered into the audience drawing gasps as the pitch ascended, but never enough.

 _ **I hope it reaches you**_

Deep yearning tore into the hearts of the auditorium. Hundreds had turned up but even without looking he knew they were transfixed with his music. With every sound a clear message of love was being sent, born through courage and faith. There was no other person that could ever hope to be a significant existence to Arima Kousei.

At least not like her.

 _ **Kaori**_

And as the music stopped-  
Arima withdrew his fingers from the ivory keys. As always there was a deep-set silence.

Then came the applause and the cheers.  
It was a sight that he yearned for, and he just wished that she could see him now, basking in the afterglow.

He was a musician; A performer.

"Bravo Arima Kousei!"

Someone had the audacity to shout amongst the thunderous clapping and he smiled, knowing that if Kaori was here she would say the same thing. Such an outspoken girl… no, not outspoken, but brave.

She ate the sweets that she wanted.  
She played the music that she wanted.  
She acted just the way she wanted.  
She looked at the face of death and fought against it.

 _ **Bravo Miyazono Kaori**_

Arima walked off the stage with a smile. As always, the memory of her was especially clear after each performance and it was because of this that he advanced forward. There was no way that she would be forgotten. Her special existence would always live on inside of him and all his listeners.

"T-That was incredible."

Arima turned towards the speaker and was surprised to see it was a girl scarcely older than him. She was dressed smartly in a red skirted suit and his first instinct was to not socialize any further.

"Thank you, do you need anything else?"

She looked perplexed and shook her head vigorously. Her black hair splashed onto her thin shoulders and it was only when looking more closely did he realise that he had seen her before.

"Oh, my apologies. We've met, haven't we? Isogawa Emrin?"

"Emi! Igawa Emi!"

The girl looked indignant as she folded her arms across her chest. Arima was more than just a bit surprised. He had not expected to find someone he knew all the way here… In London.

The Royal Albert Hall was full of buzzing chatter for the later programs and he almost backed away onto the stage again to avoid the glaring providence from the girl in front of him.

"I finally found you, Legendary Pianist Arima Kousei."

"Legendary?"

Emi had grown taller, she had always been a cool beauty but there was something about her that was different. Well eight years would change anybody. It was only after staring at her face and analysing her body proportions did he realise the newspaper that was in her hands. That looked a lot like him on that pag-

"WHAT?!"

He snatched the paper and began skimming it furiously. Someone had written an article detailing his journey as a pianist and it started from when he left Japan. It was certainly thorough… but the description as 'the embodiment of Mozart' made him uncomfortable.

"I didn't believe you could be even better than back then, but it looks like I was wrong. Well I look forward to working with you, Arima Kousei."

"Working with me?"

"I know that you're teaching students at the Royal Association of Music, so I applied to be your assistant."

"Wha-"

"I'm up next, so be sure to listen."

Arima sighed in defeat. Without even having to clarify he knew that Tsubaki was behind this. That childhood friend of his... She would always find someone to keep an eye on him. Most likely the Royal Association of Music accepted Emi's request due to her intervention.

"You're sly Tsubaki."

He watched silently as his once rival performed in front of his eyes. She was shining brightly, her brow covered with glistening sweat in the stage light. Her whole body moved to the music, she breathed what she played with every second passing.

Yet…

Arima Kousei knew that it wouldn't reach him. Her music was too simplistic. There was something missing from her performance, which although enchanting, was childish. Every few bars she would speed up to build up to the climax, but it lost the original melancholic tone within her own creation. This nocturne was incomplete. Technically flawed, artistically simplistic; he wondered when he had become such a critic.

 _ **Ever since you left**_

The piece finished and Arima was about to leave.

But –

-A figure walked passed him. He caught a glimpse before his mouth opened in shock. His hands tried to reach out to her, but he was not fast enough. The figure stepped without hesitation onto the stage and shook hands with Emi. A violin rested firmly on her collar, the bow placed on the 'A' string ready to play.

But he wasn't in the mood to listen. His feet moved by themselves onto the stage in front of hundreds of people, still reaching out towards her in awe.  
Her golden hair clipped behind her and resting on her shoulder  
Her long lashes covering her piercing blue eyes  
Her rosy cheeks  
Her slender figure  
Her long fingers  
Her slim neck  
Her erratic music!

The chords flew from her strings, a mixture of clear and murky vibrations. It was such an unrefined noise that Arima laughed, only she could make that sound… no; only she could play that section so beautifully.

The bow accelerated, playing single stroke phrases as individual notes.

 _ **Rebellious, but even so…**_

He stopped himself, noticing for the first time where he was; standing at the end of the piano reaching out towards the violinist, drawing attention from the audience. Further from that Emi was giving him a look of utter horror and he shyly backed away.

 _ **Am I going to run away again?**_

It was clear that no matter how skilled Emi was, she could not draw out the musicality of the violinist. She did not have the resolve to let her music be heard, while this violinist… like Miyazono Kaori… she was special.

Her cries of yearning would lose to no one.  
But, could it be her?  
How could it be?  
But, she looked exactly like her! Sounded like her!

 _ **She was...**_

"What the hell are you doing?!" Emi mouthed at him from a distance. He shrugged before sitting next to her on the piano. There were whispers from the audience and the violinist was looking towards them both in anger. Her music was being lost in the drama and he was truly reminded of Kaori as her eyes met his own.

 _ **As Mozart said… let's go on a journey.**_

Emi gave him the 'okay' signal before letting her hands off the piano. The quiet section was coming up and was the perfect transition for the pianists.  
But Arima had other ideas.

"Elohim Essaim, Elohim Essaim, I implore you."

This solemn music by Brahms could not express his feelings clearly. He was overjoyed, and with such joy his fingers slammed onto the ivory keys with avarice, stunning the audience and violinist.

"W-What?!" Emi screamed trying to push him off the narrow piano stool.

Arima would not give way, as the tempo hastened into the melodic arpeggios accompanying the string lead.

But she did not let him steal the show.

Her elbows stiffened.

She forced out a chromatic ascension, matching his speed with frightening accuracy as her bow bounced off and on the strings. Her staccato accents made it clear to him that she was more technically advanced than Kaori… there was no need to hold back.

Time and time again he would slow the tempo, before sharply speeding up; giving loud accents to hollow phrases and sometimes pausing his playing altogether.

But she kept up, her bow shimmering as her fingers blurred along the violin.

Sweat gleamed on her brow, flowing to her neck, descending onto her low cut formal dress. If there was someone like him in the crowd then Arima was sure that they would think that the violinist was sloppy, egotistic, eccentric… but undeniably beautiful.

"Let this reach you!"

He said this much louder than he intended. The violinist turned towards him mid phrasing and said clearly.

"It has reached me!"

Euphoria spread through his limbs. This piece was no longer the solemn melody from Brahms.  
It was their fated meeting.  
She might not be Miyazono Kaori, but she was special.  
And he wanted to know more about her.

The music was nearing the end, and he sighed in sadness. Never had his playing moved him to this extent. He was not sure what kind of sound his piano was making, but he didn't care any longer. His vision was filled with shimmering flower petals and a maelstrom of water from his erratic heart-beat.

Had this been a competition, he would have lost.  
Had this been an exam, the examiner would have probably fainted from the insolence of the performer.  
But this was not any of those.

And it wouldn't have mattered even if it was.  
This was their sound!

The final chords, and he already knew how to tackle them.

As loud as possible!

She also had similar ideas as her volume began to increase, each stroke now flowing like water as the broken bow-hairs swayed. To break her own instrument, she must have treasured this moment as much as him. Arima began to play with such force that he could feel his own wrists and elbows quake from the building pressure.

But, her sound was still louder!

The bow was now a blur of movement as she became the most stunning musician that he had ever met. Arima could scarcely believe that he was being supressed and he delved further into the music. His glasses fell to the floor, but he continued, sweat dripping onto his fingertips. A snapping sound caught his attention, but he ignored it. His playing began to drown out the violin, but she was gathering momentum once more.

 _ **Let this reach you!**_

The final note echoed within the auditorium.

It was the end.

Arima withdrew his hands from the piano.

There was silence as he slowly wiped the sweat from his brow with a pocket handkerchief. His hands slowly reached for his glasses and he looked towards the violinist. Her body stood tall and proud, staring up into the ceiling lights… no, beyond that. His eyes were then drawn to the violin which was limp in her left hand, two strings were broken, and the arch bent awkwardly. There was blood running down her neck from where the severed string had pierced her skin. Even so she did not give it any attention. It simply flowed onto her white dress.

Screams of admiration.

Applause echoed within the four walls.

Arima's heart shuddered at the sensation. This was the sight that he had yearned for, on stage amidst the sea of clapping hands having played all that his body had to offer. The violinist reached out towards him, and he took her hand. She was smaller than he imagined, only reaching up to his shoulder but her smile was radiant. He softly clenched her hand as they bowed to the applause.

She returned his gesture.

He chanced a look towards her face, and she did the same.

"I felt your music," they whispered in unison.

And that's when Arima knew that his journey had begun

 **Again**


	2. Chapter 1: Presto!

**Chapter 1**  
 **Presto!**

* * *

Kaori groaned, slapping her hand onto her phone to silence the alarm. After the sound seized she rolled over, not wanting to rise from her bed. It had been two days since **_then_** , and all she had done was order takeaway and play her violin in her studio flat.

Her phone sounded again, but this time it was an incoming call.

Who could be so impolite to call at the crack of... 13:30. She chuckled to herself without humour.

What had she become?  
What was she doing?  
What was the reason for her existence?

"I am Miyazono Kaori," she said throwing the covers away from her. "And I am a musician!"

Silence greeted her. Kaori reached towards her violin case, desperate to relieve herself from the depression. The instrument slid out of the hardened case easily, as she had done thousands of times before but it felt alien to her when she readied herself.

A burst of sound.  
A _disgusting_ burst of sound.

Nausea took over her thin frame forcing her to stop her playing. The music that she had once lost herself within was now unbearable.

"I can't hear the music anymore," she whispered to a ghostly figure in the corner. It vanished without fully materialising forcing another chuckle to her lips. As Kaori put the violin back into its case a slight groan came from the arch which was broken just a few days prior. Even now she couldn't forget the scene of a thousand people applauding her... no, it was towards the pianist.

Another call

Kaori sighed and decided to check the caller this time.  
Arima Kousei  
Missed calls; 56.

That guy was surprisingly pushy. Ever since their performance together, the flood of text messages from him spammed her inbox. It was not expected from a meek looking man like Arima Kousei.

Kousei…

It was such a nostalgic sounding name. If they had past lives then perhaps they once met, but there was no convenient explanation such as that. The mysterious pianist who played with such yearning before him, such sadness that she wanted to show him the light.

But it was his playing that overwhelmed her.  
His colour submerged her.  
He was, stunning.  
Kousei, such a famous pianist to play alongside with, to match with, to perform with.

It was because of this respect that she did not want him to see what she was like right now. A shell of her former self.

Her doorbell rang.  
Kaori sat up, stunned by the forceful ringing. She had not ordered lunch, and other than that the only other person it could be was the –

"Landlord!"

She swore as she stuffed her clothes that littered the wooden floor into the wardrobe. Discarded food packages were piling on the table at the foot of the bed, blonde strands of hair were scattered across the walls, resin powder covered the windows, dust was-

The doorbell continued to ring.

Kaori gave a sigh of defeat and walked towards the entrance, head hung in shame. Still dressed in her pink pyjamas she opened the door, expecting to see an elderly face.

"Ah, you've finally opened," said Arima Kousei.

And she closed the door, firmly.

The man began knocking politely, but she ignored it. Kaori still had her hands on the handle, leaning fully against it as her legs lost all sensation. A burning sensation rose to her face as she realised the position she was in.

"J-Just a minute," she replied.

The management of the catastrophe area took close to twenty minutes, but she made him wait. With every bit of her room that she cleared, she slowly became more annoyed at the unannounced appearance of the guest.  
She didn't care how Japanese this man was, in London it was just plain rude!

Kaori finally opened the windows and sprayed some perfume around the room.  
Having someone older than her enter made her feel conscious... no, older and famous... and male.

Tentatively she opened the door.

He was still standing there, an understanding smile on his lips. He looked good natured, friendly and patient.  
Most different from his actions, and his music.  
The sound from his piano, was almost erratic, rushed, full of passion.

"I wasn't going to come in," he said, his voice soft, "But since you made the effort to clean..."

"D-Do you want a drink?"

"Some tea would be great."

He entered and sat at the small table at the foot of the bed. Kousei seemed taller and imposing in this enclosed place than in the performance area. Kaori's apartment which she rented was not filled with luxurious items, but rather the bare minimum to survive. That unfortuantely included the size of the room which the double bed already took a tenth of. She skirted uncomfortably around the kettle and searched her cupboard for another mug.

"Would you be offended if you had to drink out of a bowl?"

"N-Not really…?"

Kaori sighed, this whole exchange was already proving a disaster. Sheepishly she placed her own pink mug in front of him, having the bowl to herself. She had never had a guest around before, and was wholly unprepared for such an undertaking.

"Is this perhaps, your only cup?" he asked.

Kaori felt her face go red with embarrassment. The person that she least wanted to see was drinking out of her favourite pink mug...

 _Oh my god, my lips touched that.  
Holy shi-_

"Thank you," Kousei said with a good-natured smile. He took a sip, then leaned back onto the low legged chair. The pianist had a cool demeanour that was calming, but Kaori couldn't let that fool her. Underneath all that suave patience was a forward male.

 _Forward male?  
Alone in a room with her?  
Holy shi-_

"I've been meaning to ask you," he continued, interrupting her thoughts once more. "Why did you not contact me after our performance? It has been almost a week and I was rather looking forward to meeting you."

"Ah... well." Kaori didn't know how to avoid that, but at the same time she suddenly acknowledged the elephant in the room.

"Wait? How did you know where I live?!"

"Emi Igawa is your teacher isn't she? Well I happen to be good friends with her."

...

Her teacher had mentioned a pianist that she admired and loved. It was because of him that she could reach new heights, and Kaori was in no doubts that that pianist was Arima Kousei.

 _Wait did he just use private information to track me down?_

"Well, I won't force an answer from you. But you haven't been in class for a while now, and as your newly assigned teacher I am concerned."

"Assigned teacher?"

"I am your supervisor at the Royal Academy of Music," he said simply. "Did you not check my messages?"

"I...I..."

"You?"

 _I can't play like that anymore  
_ ** _I need help_**  
 _I can't live up to your expectations  
_ ** _I want to give up  
_** _I can't hear the music anymore_

"I see. Guess that works out well then," she replied with a wry smile. Kousei's eyes narrowed, as if he saw through her act, but then smiled in return.  
They agreed on a meeting time at the university tomorrow and he stood to leave thereafter.

"Wait," she said extending a hand. He looked stunned... and so was she.  
 _What on earth spurred her to act like that?_

"H-How old are you?"  
 _And why did she ask such a weird question?!_

"Twenty-three."

His reply was short, and he asked nothing in return.

"I-I'm nineteen next month."

In hindsight, she should have revaluated her mental age as 7.

"Good to know," Kousei said. There was a soft look of misery in his eyes, as if his expectations were dashed, but she could not be sure. The man held his emotions close to his chest. Without warning he suddenly stretched, reaching out to the ceiling and shouting something that she couldn't catch.

Not shouting... but singing.  
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?

Such a change in character stunned her.

"You will henceforth be known as Student A!" he said pointing a finger straight towards her forehead.

"S-Student A?"

"That's right! From tomorrow, our lessons are going to be tough, but I will make you into the most talented violinist the world has never seen Miyazono Kaori."

"...what?"

He swiftly waved and ran out the door, literally ran.  
She instinctively followed him out, watching as he leapt down the corridor, outside through the grass, across the roads, running all the way.

As if time was precious.

 _What am I doing here?  
_ Kaori looked back into her dimly lit room, the musky scent of stale air more apparent with the open door and she grimly kicked a chair in frustration.  
 _This is not where I should be!_

* * *

Arima slumped onto his bed. His body instantly rejected his attempts to exercise in the form of back pain, chest pain and general lung explosions. But even so he could say for sure that he felt alive, it was like that time he chased after the train 7 years ago.  
Youth?  
He had a pretty good one.

"Miyazono Kaori."

She was dangerous, the splitting image of the girl back in middle school. Definitely not the same person, in fact her personality reminded him more of himself before he met her. It did not take a genius to figure out that the girl needed guidance and support yet…  
Her face, her actions and even her voice.  
No these were not what he was obsessed over… it was her music.

Even if she was not Kaori, her soul in music was the same.

That was why she was so dangerous.  
Arima was well aware that the longer he spent with her the more that he would forget about his previous love. Her face would be slowly replaced, actions meshed together until he could not tell them apart.

And his music would no longer resonate.  
The parts that made him today's Arima Kousei would gradually crumble to nothing as his feelings would slowly be chipped away.

Dangerous indeed!

A rush of adrenaline filled his muscles and he felt like opening the door and running into the night. His excitement could hardly be contained as he knew without a doubt that the path that he had chosen, was a journey.

"I will make you into a musician that the world has never seen before."

* * *

A sense of dread filled Kaori as she sat at the back of the bus heading to the Royal Academy of Music. Around her was the sound of London traffic that echoed softly before filtering out for a fleeting moment. The temperature was mild and she was grateful that the bus was not sweltering hot, nothing was worse than being drenched in sweat when meeting someone… and that someone being of the calibre of world famous pianist Arima Kousei.

The stop off was hectic and by far her least favourite part of the journey. There was no way to cross the double intersection road without waiting for the lights on the single Pelican Crossing. There was no one on her side of the road when she pressed the wait button and her stomach started to tighten in discomfort, then came a sigh of relief when there were others waiting on the other side of the road.  
She knew it was stupid but she hated to be the centre of attention.

"It's a green light."

"Huh?"

She was staring at the green light indicating it was okay to continue walking with a blank expression. Before Kaori could move the light already began flashing, she did the maths in her head and decided to wait until the next green light before crossing the road.

"You're careful, that's a good trait to have."

It was that same voice again and she turned hastily, ready to let them have a piece of her mind.

"Listen I've got a lot on an-"

"...and?"

The guy must be a stalker, that was the only explanation for why she kept on bumping into Arima Kousei. He was wearing a smart shirt and his glasses were no longer the elegant metallic rim that she had seen before but a wide plastic, almost hipster-like glasses.

They made him look young and relatable.

"What's on your mind?" he repeated the question.

"Nice glasses," she mumbled facing away from him. It was a tactic that her mum taught her, when faced with an awkward situation with a guy always compliment and draw their attention away.  
 _Remember to act cute and shy when saying it._

"Thanks, but seriously what's troubling you?"

Unfortunately, her mum had never met someone of the same level as Arima Kousei. Kaori swore that she could get away with anything in the midst of this calm persona that he exuberated. The compliment deterred him not at all, and her cute appearance had no affect as well… was he gay? Perhaps impotent? Or maybe the pose lacked appeal?!

"The light is turning red again."

This guy?! How outrageous could he be? Making fun out of her repeatedly, making a fool out of her, stalker, idiot, what the hell was this perso-

"You look distracted, please be more careful from now on. Look the light's green, let's go."

He took her elbow as they crossed the road and she was once again swept into his pace. Kaori felt her heart beat faster as she wanted to shake him off, but his hand was firm, the same hand that had performed countless pieces by the greatest of musicians.

It was unfair.

Unfair of him to be so forward, brash and intrusive. She had not known him long but already they shared this connection that she couldn't shake away from.  
Prisoner's effect? Empathy with the person that captured you… it was called…

 _Affection_

"Hurry Student A. Presto!"

"My name is Kaori!"

 _Screw affection, it was more like Stockholm Syndrome._

She took it back, there was no way that she would have feelings for this person.  
It was impossible... after all, her hands would forever be stained with blood.


	3. Chapter 2: Grave

**Chapter 2  
Grave**

* * *

Kaori sighed with relief as the piano stopped. Arima's playing was clear and full of colour, it was just like she remembered it.  
Elemental, nostalgic, expressive… not fit for accompaniment but rather a solo performance, with a spotlight and audience. The image of thousands of clapping hands raised amongst the glowing rays of chandelier crystals flashed through her mind and Kaori almost cried out in yearning. In comparison to him-

"Man you suck," he said with a laugh.

How callous and utterly rude!

She wanted to express her indignation, but all that came out of her mouth was an elongated sigh of agreement. Compared to him she really was horrible and there was no defence other than to join him in mocking laughter.

"No but seriously, you can play for real now," he said with a serious expression.

Kaori's chest tightened in discomfort. The night before she had replayed this scene countless times in her head, the disappointment that he would have after hearing her disgusting music. But now she had nowhere to run, stuck in a 10 by 10 metre sound proof practice room with two windows that did not open.

Oh god, if something were to happen no one would be able to hear her screams for help!

 **She had to get away immediately!**

"Should we go from bar 32? You have a three-crotchet rest before you come in."

Well that made her feel stupid…

She did not reply, the music she had memorised but there was nothing that she could do about her 'sound'. Chronic hopelessness filled her frame and all she wanted to do was smash her violin into pieces.  
Kaori tentatively glanced at Arima who in turn seemed to be appraising her carefully.

"Okay, that's enough practice for today! I see you've got _a lot on,_ so we better take your mind off those things."

He was not going to let her previous outburst go unpunished it seemed, and she sighed in defeat. Arima was almost elemental in personality, completely overwhelming and always changing… it was clear that this person was living life how he wanted.

With not a care in the world.

Damn geniuses, compared to him her hours and hours of blood stained work was an ugly contrast.

"Your silence means you agree, right let's drop off your stuff in my office and grab something to eat."

"It's 10am… that's a bit early for lunch."

"It's a snack!" he said looking shocked as if she had never heard of that concept before. "And then we'll have lunch, go out for a walk, maybe watch a movie, take you for dinner then drop you back home before you get any funny ideas."

"Still sounds like a d-date…"

She mentally cursed herself for stuttering that word. Was she still in middle school or something? Her handful of dates that she had experienced before were neither pleasing nor displeasing… they were mainly with people whom she did not know very well and although the experience refreshing it was not what she wanted.  
Security, someone that would never leave her, something like that would be precious.

"It _is_ a date," he replied nonchalantly.

Kaori felt blood rush to her face, **_damn this fricking womaniser_**. Was he interested in her? There was no way that she could tell as his persona seemed to be everywhere. Understanding yet pushy, emotional yet stoic, spontaneous yet cunning, it was like describing an alien.

"You don't want Emi to see that though," Kaori added knowing fully well what her previous teacher thought of this madman.

"Oh, that's true, that would be troubling," he replied with a slow nod.

A well of disappointment formed at the pit of her stomach. She knew that it was too much of a fairy tale to be true, the world renown pianist and his crappy student. It was not like he was her type, not the most secure person, in fact he probably needed a psychologist she concluded with a brief chuckle.

"Right we can take the bus from just outside to get to Kensington High-street, there is a pancake shop there that serves the best lemon and sugar crepes you can imagine."

"Pancakes?" she asked.

"They're good you know, and we need a change in pace. You'll never get back into what you love if you're neglecting yourself."

She couldn't even begin to understand what that meant. It sounded condescending but the way that it was phrased confused her.

"I don't want to go."

"Too bad!" he said taking her arm. They started to run through the corridors, drawing eyes from the other teachers and students but Arima didn't seem to care as he began to laugh. Kaori was hard pressed to keep his pace, she was going to make a deal out of the whole situation as well… but all resistance seemed to melt away when she saw his expression. Head tilted towards the sky looking not at the corridor ahead, but somewhere further away. His goal was not here, his gaze was not here, Arima Kousei looked further and with such a satisfied look on his face that her breath, body and heart were swept into his pace.

She wanted that expression too.  
Yearned for it.

If only she could live with that fulfilment, then there would be no regrets. The scenery that they had both touched upon was still vivid in her mind and another burst of self-loathing rose forth.

 _What are you doing here?_

 _This is not where you should be!_

She was a musician! She had chosen this path with her own hands. Therefore, she would walk this path down to the end. Her mentor was a once in a lifetime source of advice, expertise and information… she could not let that go to waste.

"You look better already," he shouted glancing towards her.

Kaori smiled in response and shouted back with equal vigour.

"That is because I am Student A!"

* * *

Night was falling and Kaori felt sadness that the day was coming to an end. The pancakes had been delicious, the rom-com movie he selected was cheesy, and the walk in Hyde Park peaceful.  
It was a perfect date, as far as she was concerned.

Spontaneous as Arima Kousei was, he was also confident and mature, always taking the lead and seeming to be at ease. He would get angry when needed, laugh when he felt like it and not overly stifling as some guys were in the past.  
This was dangerous.

They had made their fourth lap around the pond and heading towards Queensgate Station where he knew some restaurants. With every passing second she was becoming increasingly aware of the extended silence.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, the question had nagged her all day.

"Do what?"

"Taking me out, becoming my teacher… stealing my spot light in my first ever performance in the Royal Albert Hall."

"Aha, about that," he said nervously scratching the back of his head, "sorry your music reminded me of someone and I had to play with you."

"It was my first big recital though you numpty!" Kaori felt another wave of blood rushing to her cheeks when she realised what word she used to describe one of the greatest pianists in the world.

"I'm pretty spontaneous," he said with a shrug. "My motto in life is to eat what I want to eat, to live a life without any regrets and to continue running through a journey until my legs cannot carry me anymore… no even beyond that."

His voice changed, it was a whimsical tone that did not match his earlier statements. This way of living… did not belong to Arima Kousei. She couldn't put her finger on it but her instincts were telling her that this was not how he always was, something had changed him and his whole way of living at some point.  
Just who did such a thing?  
Just who was continuing to live within him?

Kaori did not need to be a genius to guess.

"Who do I remind you of?"

He looked mildly surprised but then his expression turned sorrowful. It was not tear inducing but rather irritating to gaze at. His eyebrows were tensed so that he could keep that fake smile on, though Kaori could see past it. Kaori knew that once she heard of this person then she would understand this person in front of him much better.

Just what motivated him to become who he was?

"Back in middle school there was a violinist just like you… her music was erratic, ever changing, messy but at the same time I thought it was beautiful. For someone who had only scraped at the mere edges of musicality I had no understanding of this world of colour that she was living in."

"What is she doing now then? If you acknowledged her then she is probably a world-famous violinist!"

"What?! Her?!" he exclaimed with a shocked face. "In terms of skill she was far below you, in retrospect she really wasn't anything special. But her vitality was amazing, she was putting her life on the line for her music, that kind of desperation was truly inspiring. To me she was the most amazing terrible violinist I had ever met."

"Skill below mine? That _is_ pretty bad," Kaori said with a grin. The conversation had made her feel better. He had acknowledged that whatever he had seen within that violinist she had too and with superior technique her ego was boosted.

"Yeah she would always double the triplets, her staccato notes she preferred to abandon her bow technique altogether… fast sections she would slow down and add continuous reverberations which were just messy as hell. In fact, I remember when she ignored her rests altogether and started playing wildly, my god, dragging me into that performance when handing me the piece only 30 minutes prior and she just did her own thing completely messing up the rhythm!"

Kaori stopped in her tracks and Arima continued to mumble to himself furthering the distance between them. This was the first time that she had seen him so animated. Hilarious as it was she could tell that this was someone that Arima had cared for deeply, and the one who had influenced him to be who he was.

Every characteristic that he said about her could now be said about the current him. Kaori viewed him as someone who had vitality above all others, and truly lived for his music. For someone like herself who had only touched the edges of music he was like an enigma.

"It's getting dark, make sure to keep up!" he said with a wave.

A brief smile escaped her lips as she ran after him.  
Could she become more like him?

It was only yesterday, no this morning when she was convinced that she loathed him but his actions defied all her expectations, just like the violinist in his story.

They continued to walk again in silence. The narrow-cobbled road now expanded to a single strip walkway leading to the gate of the urban city beyond. Even though she had spent most of her life in London Kaori was always surprised by how much of it she had yet to explore.

"We're almost there, it used to be called Old China Town."

"You mean Bayswater? I think I've heard that somewhere."

"There are a few good places to eat but I recommend this small Japanese Eatery which serves the best rice bowls."

Kaori didn't really have specific preferences when it came to food, if she was forced to choose between salty or sweet then it would be sweet. What would Arima say to such a question?

"Do you prefer salty or sweet food?"

Arima looked her levelly, taking the question very seriously.

"Listen Kaori, there's one thing you should know about foods which I prefer."

"O-okay?"

"Egg mayonnaise sandwiches are the true god of all cuisine!"

… She had almost forgotten in her self-indulgent delusions how weird this guy was.

"I suppose canelés aren't bad either," he added with a laugh.

"Y-you're mocking me?!" she finally said after noticing that he was bearing a huge grin. This man was just infuriating in every way possible.

"If it was a serious question then I apologise, I eat what I want to eat. Life is too short to be picky."

Was that something a young person would normally say? She didn't know, because Kaori agreed with him. Life could be taken away in an instant and the world would keep on functioning, it was disgusting how little a human life meant unless one gave it meaning themselves.

"Look he's playing something interesting," Arima said, his pace halting. Several people behind them also stuttered to halt, swearing while squeezing past but Kaori's attention was more on the street performer that he was pointing at. The man looked old but carrying an electric violin with what seemed to be a loop peddle on his right foot.

"The sound won't be good though, it's a metallic beast after all."

Kaori had no idea why she needed to sound so harsh, but it was heinous mistreatment of both the instrument and the composer to play classical music on something so ugly.

"You think so, it seems like a happy violin to me," he replied. They didn't stay long but it was long enough for her to notice the deep neck grooves on the man's collarbone and chin.  
This person… has been playing the violin his whole life and by the depth of the marks she could deduce that he was never without his music.

But he would never perform in the Royal Albert Hall like she had.

It wasn't fair, was it?

"You're thinking too much," he said slowing down the pace so they now walked leisurely side by side. "He's happy the ways things are and that is why he is not moving forwards, success is due to someone's desire to be successful."

"So not all the best musicians are on stage?"

"I'm certainly not a great one," he replied with good humour. "I'm far too emotional and impulsive, but there are two playing styles that the world will reverie and always will. Sadness and Love. If you have those in your music, then there will always be people who will listen."

"Do you think I can be successful?" she asked tentatively.

"Do you want to be?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "I made a promise…"

To someone that was no longer of this Earth. The pressure that was constantly crushing her own playing, even now she could feel him close always walking just a few steps behind her. The father who had always been there for her, but she chose music over his desires and left him to die alone. Whenever her hands touched the strings of her violin his face would float in his mind like an undead corpse.

"Promises are good and all, but what do you really want to do?"

"I want to be free."

"Then I'll make it so," Arima said with a gentle smile. His hand now grasped hers, fingers entwining.  
She didn't fight it…

The feeling was comforting, to know that she was not alone.

But this person was Arima Kousei, her teacher and stalker!

Kaori let out a surprised scream and shook free from his hold. He looked surprised and she wanted to apologise. She stopped herself after realising that she had done nothing wrong and began to fidget uncomfortably. Kaori mumbled something that resembled a 'see you tomorrow' before running off.

It was fine like this, she couldn't rely on him.

It was not okay to rely on him when it was clear that he would be gone soon.

There was no way that Arima Kousei would stay by her side, especially through the times that she was going through now. She was mess, Kaori knew that but Arima only made things worse.

His smile, his music, his face, his words, his attitude, his awful sense of humour, _this couldn't go on_.

She couldn't fall in love with him.

* * *

Arima watched as Kaori dashed off into the night. Several things were processing in his mind right now but he let them drop, there was no point in analysing situations like this but he was glad that she was looking more cheerful. It was clear in the morning that she could not hear the notes, no worse than that. A deep-set trauma had set into her music.

The streets became full of life and he longed to mess around further but refrained as he reminded himself that it was a work evening. Tomorrow he would see Kaori again and begin to actually teach her music and how to overcome her barrier, the only thing he had to establish now was his own emotions. In truth Arima felt guilty when feeling attraction to Kaori as she so closely resembled the appearance of his previous unrequited love. And in truth if not for her appearance and music he would not have gave a second thought but now nothing but the shy but expressive violinist filled his mind.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispered to himself as he got on the bus. His music had already changed, no longer the melancholy tunes of sorrow and yearning but erratic excitement of new found affection. It was truly dangerous to be like this. Although he had told Kaori that musicians fell into the categories of expressive love or sorrow it was often the latter that made it as musicians. Their journey was ever ongoing and so could encapsulate all around them.

A person sat next to him but he paid them no attention, it was only when she began to nudge him persistently did he notice who it was.

"Emi?!"

"Well at least you remembered my name this time," she said grinning. Her lustrous black hair spilled onto his shoulder and he looked out the window to avoid her eyes, as a guy he was still aware of how beautiful she actually was.

"How was your date?"

"Pretty fun, I'm guessing you kept tabs on us?"

"Of course I did, I was worried about the both of you," she said crossing her arms in annoyance. "You know it's wrong don't you?"

"To take a student out for lunch? Well now that you put it that way…"

"She looks exactly like Miyazono Kaori. I can't believe I didn't see it at first, it was only the day after your duet performance that I knew that I heard you both before. That last Chopin performance that you did in Japan, Ballade. All I could hear was 'let it reach her.'"

Arima couldn't add anything more, as he also agreed with Emi when she said that the relationship between himself and Kaori was not supposed to be the way it was. But she needed him and for that he would be beside her.

"It is especially harsh for you Arima Kousei. Would you throw away your life for this girl? You are descending that path right now."

"It's fine," he replied without hesitation. "Kaori gave her life for me, if I do not do the same then how can I ever face her again?"

"This is not some atonement! You don't need to do this!" she said raising her voice. Her knuckles gripped onto the collar of his shirt and he backed away in shock.

"You idiot, there is nothing you need to do for her. She is not the Kaori that you have owed yourself to. You've done enough, be more selfish Arima!"

"I'm calm about this Emi, and I've already decided. If these hands which were once broken can cure such talent then it is destiny that I do it."

She made a face of disgust and he himself understood her meaning. His ideology was flawed, there was nothing that he should sacrifice for himself. The scale that he used to weigh the music of Kaori far exceeded his own weight…  
He had no control over his actions.

Arima knew he had to revive Kaori, her music. Even if her smile never returned, her endearing attitude fading away her music must live on in the hearts of the audience.

"That's not Kaori no matter how you twist it," Emi preached.

"I know my motive is wrong, but what I'm doing is not. She needs music, her playing was incredible that day. You felt it too right?"

Emi seemed to audibly sigh and she pressed the stop sign on the bus already making her way towards the exit of the bus. The brakes were applied and slowly the vehicle halted.

"Listen carefully Arima Kousei," she said without turning her head. "The only person that can truly revive Kaori is yourself, not some imitation. Only you truly understand that girl, her life, her music, her desperation. If you're expecting some sort of revival through someone else, then you'll be disappointed in the end."

And with that Emi left him alone to ponder her words.  
She was right.

Revive Kaori? There was no way that was possible, at least not through Student A.  
Then how could he help her?  
Did he still want to help her?

…

He did.

The lonely girl with the broken smile and shattered music. Who did she remind him of?

 _Stop mother, I hate you!_

What a twist of fate, to be staring at one's own reflection and mistaking it for someone else's. It was stupid to think more about this, all that Arima knew was that he was desperate for Kaori to return to her violin.  
There wasn't much time left… until his music would completely change and the messages to Kaori through his music would be to the ones beside him. Already he could feel his heart constraining painfully as he began to form attachments to the imposter.

"I can't fall in love with you Miyazono Kaori."


	4. Chapter 3: Crescendo

**Chapter 3**

 **Crescendo!**

* * *

Kaori stood outside of the music practice room taking deep breaths. She had risen out of her bed extra early to make sure that she would arrive before that… freak. The sun was only starting to rise and she was confident that she could practice and regain some of her dignity before the harsh lessons began.

She opened the door.

The Royal Academy of Music had over 60 practice rooms and 15 piano practice booths. Kaori had always preferred to use a piano practice booth as they were more spacious and often contained larger windows… so the chance that he would bump into Arima was around 1/15 discounting the fact that it was still 7 in the morning.

"You're here early," he said with a calm smile. "You are free to use the practice room if you want. Do you want me to listen and offer advice?"

Nail in the coffin, to refuse would come off as spiteful but to accept would embarrass her even more. Kaori's eyes began to trace the room wildly looking for any excuse, only for her gaze to be drawn towards a ghostly figure staring at them from the corner of the room.

Even without taking out the violin he was there.

This mental trauma was not something that could be overcome by even Arima Kousei and Kaori knew that.

But she couldn't disappoint him!

Last night after returning she had thrown herself into practice, Mozart, Chopin, Brahms anything that she could get her hands onto and memorised each note bar and rest. Even if she couldn't hear, even if the sound was disgusting and distorted beyond all means she would draw out the musicality from her experience.

She was a musician!

Her fingers flew across the violin and the ghost across the room began to shimmer as if his life was running out.  
But she wasn't going to stop for something like that.

The whole room began to crumble apart, colour faded and all motions became slow and sluggish.

Kaori closed her eyes.

Her senses began to fail but still she played on until the bitter end. She wasn't going to lose anymore, not with Arima there looking at her. He was expecting something from her, someone who had gotten no attention from the Academy for so long, someone who only had one section in the Royal Albert Hall Performance because of her famous music teacher Emi Igawa.

Something grasped her elbow and Kaori furiously tried to swat it to one side, before realising that the grip was so strong that it was beginning to hurt. Her senses returned and she was looking at Arima who had his eyes wide in shock. It was rare to see him so flustered and she was not prepared for his words.

"Don't force yourself… "

Any defence that she had put up all crumbled in that instant. The violin fell onto the floor cluttering, broken. Her bow soon followed and the next thing Kaori knew she was in his arms. There was an annoying sound of screaming, the sound of someone who was damaged, so deranged that the weeping was more like wails of sorrow.

 ** _Oh wait, that's me_**

But… it wasn't detestable. She felt warm and safe, constrained within his embrace. The pieces fell into place and between her cries came out a sigh of relief.  
Arima Kousei.

There was no future to that love, but she couldn't help it. The ghosts of her past shimmered and burst into a flame of golden light. The dull sound of his heartbeat resonated, calming her, soothing her.

This was bad.

Her love for him was beginning to be uncontrollable.

For this person, one of the most famous pianists in the world.

She loved him.

 **She needed him**

She couldn't help it.

Her cries of help turned sorrowful again as she buried her head onto his shoulder. Kaori didn't want him to let go of her, in his arms she had purpose, security and strength.

"Kaori, don't worry I'm here. It's okay."

Stupid Arima Kousei, he really was a womaniser to the end.

* * *

Kaori spent the whole morning back at her apartment, bedridden and almost unmoving. She had recovered from her episode a few hours back but did not move a muscle as she was aware that Arima was sitting on a chair only a metre away with a stack of her music books and flipping through them, occasionally marking something with a pencil before turning the page. Her stomach was gnawing in hunger but she didn't want to rise from her bed, still clothed her temperature had risen under the bed sheets but there was no way that she was going to take off another layer.

The uncomfortable silence continued which surprised her. Normally Arima would be the first to break it but his mind looked occupied. Ideally she wanted nothing to change between their dynamic, to be awkward at this stage would feel unpleasant but his attitude towards her after that event had changed. Unused to the empathy and care that he showed by not breaching the subject all that Kaori could do was feign continued trauma.

 _If only he would ask… if only he would pry…_

 _Take the lead dammit!_

"You've had your head down all this time."

He didn't look towards her when he said this and Kaori felt irritation at his statement. The man just made no sense and even now he was finding fault in the angle she held her cranium.

"But when you were playing the violin that day your eyes were towards the sky, reaching out to someone. Is that person here with you right now?"

Kaori's whole frame stirred, an uncomfortable pit settled in her stomach as she forced her head to jerk away from him and onto the ghostly figure standing in the corner of her room beside the kitchen entrance. Arima's remarks hit too close to home and her breaths came out as short panic attacks as her eyes kept on darting away from the figure but back again as she was afraid that it would begin moving towards her.

"Who is it?"

…

"Who do you see?"

…

"Miyazono Kaori," he said gently. She didn't notice him so close to her but Kaori could not back away. His cool hands grasped her cheeks, large and comforting. Her gaze shifted onto him, looking up into his deep blue eyes. She had not noticed this trait, uncommon for a Japanese person, but it was dark and a deep void of emotion hinting at his experiences.

"Look up, you'll never see what you want to see if your eyes are focused on the past. Look towards me and keep on playing the music that you love much. Aim towards the heights that you dreamed about even when you are lost and without direction."

"Arima…"

"Because I will dispel all of your doubts, all of the chains that bind you from being the best musician in the world. Kaori, I want you to play for me."

The black and white room burst into an array of colour and her feelings of fear subsided with his words. She had seen this before… every time that she was with Arima Kousei. He would light the way for her, with a few words and gentle touches her heart was twisting in unspeakable pain and wanting.

She loved him.  
She wanted to play for him.  
She wanted to view the same scene of music that he had.

Was it alright for her to rely on him this way?

"Can I trust you?"

His eyes widened in shock before narrowing in a deep smile. It was almost mocking but she was not annoyed, it just showed how ridiculous she was being.

" **I will** ** _always_** **be there for you**."

If anyone else had said it she would not have believed a word of it, but it was from this man. She wanted to believe it from the bottom of her heart and so her hand trembled to meet his own. There was no one in that room but them.  
No interruptions.  
Nothing like that at all.

"Then will you still be with me if I said…?"

She couldn't say it.

"Said what?"

The words wouldn't leave her mouth. Her burning aching feelings. Kaori struggled but all that filled her mind were the words 'Student A.' To him she was just another student… right?

But his words, always there for her… she would not let him go.

If her words wouldn't come out then –

She acted.

Her lips touched his. Kaori felt his body flinch, but she jammed her eyes closed and her hands began to wrap around the back of his head and draw him closer. He did not break away. His lips were soft, warm, but it did not spread throughout her body like she expected.

Her first kiss was something akin to a stationary touch of mouths that neither parted from.

Kaori drew away first. Arima had not run, but neither did he kiss back.  
Her eyes opened to see… a beet red Arima Kousei.

His eyes were wide open in shock, glasses slipping from his nose and expression of general bewilderment.

"Will you still stay with me?" she asked again.

With that her heart began to thump audibly. The waiting was agonising and only now her ears attuned to the ticking clock counting down the seconds.

"You really got me with this, Kaori. I will stay if you let me."

"Of course I'll let you!" she shouted jumping at the man. The room burst to colour and nothing else seemed to matter but her sheer joy. Kaori would not consider herself an impulsive person but she was influenced by the person before her.

"I have things to tell you though, and you might not be so willing after that," he said with a whisper.

"So do I," she said with a shake of a head. "But when I tell you, you have to take responsibility!"

"… don't get overconfident!"

She was pushed back onto the bed, his lips sought hers out and their bodies drew closer together. In the heat of the moment she only just realised the fact that they were alone in a room, both of age and were passionately touching one another… in this development…

His movements stopped.

Kaori's body ached for him to continue but was too embarrassed to say anything.

"S-Sorry," he said quietly in her ear.

"You can continue I don't mind."

"Ah… it's just. I think we should talk about things first."

Unlike him.

She drew herself upright and appraised him closely.

"You have no idea what you're doing don't you?"

He looked away and that was all that she needed to know. Kaori smiled, it was her possessive nature that was happy because of his inexperience, but she wouldn't have minded either way.  
He was Arima.  
Not some great pianist but a general weird guy who was always there for her. In his own way he gave her all that she wanted.

"I don't mean it in a bad way! We'll find out together!"

"Well that and, I feel guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Because it feels like I'm looking at the past when I see you. Miyazono Kaori… what are the chances?"

"You're not making any sense," she replied but there was already a sinking feeling in her gut and she mentally prepared herself.

"It's a long story," he said with a brief smile.

She took his hand and squeezed it firmly.

* * *

The doorbell rang and Arima rose to his feet. Kaori was still expressionless and he sighed as he paid the pizza delivery man and brought the food to the dining table. The story had taken a few hours and the Sun had descended leaving the room dark. Somehow the darkness was comforting but it was also because he was afraid to see her face after he revealed to her everything.

"You haven't spoken in a while," Arima said. "But eat first."

"I will in a bit," she said. "I'm just processing."

It was ominous, the silence, the unpleasant awkwardness and hostility she was emitting.

"It was a really nice story, don't get me wrong… but… I'm not sure what to think anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"You lied to me."

"I… don't think I did?" Arima said racking in brain for something that he said that could possibly be false.

"No, you manipulated me… that's a better word."

"What do you mean?"

Now was the time Arima's feet began to tremble so he took a seat on the floor and prepared himself. He knew that this was the natural reaction, but still he couldn't go any further without letting her know.

"You knew the reason I was having trouble with music. My father who had supported me by himself for so long died while I was giving the performance that I thought would come only once. The man who resented the very existence of that violin because it took his wife away and was afraid it would take me away too. No matter what I said I could not convince him, his stubbornness… made him take his own life."

So that was it.  
She really was similar to him, but her path had far more thorns than him. She overcame everything up this point by herself, and continued to function even after the music left her.  
Him on the other hand?

"I didn't know it was quite like that."

 **"** **You lied to me!"**

Her crescendo was chilling.

"Sorry I didn't mean to raise my voice. I feel like I should be more bothered about it, but strangely I'm not," she said looking flustered. "It just seems like too much poetic justice. Or perhaps you had some ulterior motive such as to win over my affection? Well you succeeded because even now I'm still in love with you and I hate that because I know in your mind all I am is a replacement for this original."

"Nothing like that!"

"Do you even love me? We barely known each other? How is it possible that I could replace someone that was by your side for so long and even after she was gone, continued to be there? Every note, every phrase, she was living in your music. How can I possibly compete with that?"

He couldn't reply to that. Arima was not sure himself but somewhere along the way the image of Kaori he had became meshed with the girl in front of him. It was the kiss. That had broken all that he had created for so many years.

"I can't say I'm in love with you. But I want to be with you."

"Forever?"

…

"If you can't say it then your promise before was a lie."

"I think you're being too forceful. I will stay by your side but what you are suggesting is like marriage. Even if we're not lovers I will still be there."

"Damn it you know what I mean! Do you see me as me? Or am I just like her?"

"Your personalities are nothing alike. I see you for who you are."

"Then why did you help me in such a roundabout way?"

"Because I was unsure how to help."

The angle of light from the windows changed as a car drove past and he only just noticed the pain on her face. The selfless person in front of him suffering because she wanted to be selfish. Her self loathing at her own words as she had finally gotten a part of her paradise and afraid to lose it. Losing it by the words that she could not stop herself from saying.

"I saw parts of me inside you. I didn't think you would ever like someone like me, but I wanted to become a special existence to you. If my music would overshadow yours, and make you yearn to chase me then I thought for sure that you would find your way."

"Stupid."

"I know but it worked though. And you're wrong about the Kaori of the past. I did not act like that for poetic justice, in fact I resented a lot of what she did for me. But I'm not so nice. I wanted you to know exactly how much I gave up for you each step of the way."

"Jerk."

"Kaori, I, Arima Kousei will stay by your side. You are my precious Student A, not because you are some supporting character but because you are my first ever student. You are Kaori because you are you."

"Womaniser..."

"I'm only like this with you. Although I can't say love, I do feel a lot of affection."

"Prove it."

Arima was truly stumped at this point, his head went blank on how to portray affection. Hundreds of notes cascaded through his mind, studies of music that would transcend time and still he found no answer.

"You were my first kiss?" he said.

"Pfft."

The awkward tension passed and only Kaori's laughter could be heard. Arima's whole frame relaxed. She took it far better than he expected and he gazed at her face which was once again lit.

It was truly like Kaori's.  
But, more mature, more serious, more forgiving, more emotional.

"You really are Arima. So weird," she said after her breath ran out. "But I don't mind that about you. I'm sorry about me killing the mood. Even now I don't care if I'm some replacement, but I know that the feeling will escalate like a cancer. I'm serious about you and I am my own person."

"I know, but you have qualities that are similar. I was so shocked when I first met you."

"Appearance? Name? What else?"

"Your passion towards music. You are stronger than me and her. The landscape that you will gaze upon will be unrivalled by anyone in the stage of music."

"You exaggerate."

"Your technique is second to none, your ability to memorise to every last detail while at the same time twisting it to fit your musicality is truly remarkable."

"Then why have I went so unnoticed?"

"With me by your side, I will make sure you are never unnoticed. My purpose to become a musician was to gaze upon that landscape and to continue on a certain person's legacy. It is safe in your hands."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"There is no future for me anymore. With these hands so scarred and tired of sending the same sad messages to an audience that was so far away. But now with you here I know I won't draw out that sound any longer.  
The pianist Arima Kousei has officially retired."

Kaori's shocked expression turned into one of realisation and then of horror. This was something that he originally wanted to take into the grave, but it was also his greatest display of affection that he could show her.

"I can't take that away from you!"

"I want you to, I've become weary. Looking so far away, with tragedy on every page turn, of every final note. I want to change, I want to look even further than that."

"Why me? That pressure is unbearable!"

"Because you are Student A. My first ever student."


	5. Chapter 4: Coda

**Chapter 4**

 **Coda**

* * *

She wondered who she should contact first regarding the matter. Well her parents had both passed on and Kaori had no friends.

"What's wrong?"

She looked away from the person talking. A mixture of anger and happiness swamped her whenever she heard his voice. They waited for the bus a bit longer in the darkness outside of her flat.

"You're angry?"

Of course she was. The fact that he had planned this all out and left her in the dark annoyed her to no end, and then the man had the audacity to make a self-sacrifice so big that she felt like a bitch for being selfish. His fingers, the music of Arima Kousei he said would be lost forever and that was the last thing she wanted. Hell, she could be that other _Kaori's_ replacement if he were to continue producing that sound when he played. Kaori grimaced as she realised that she couldn't stomach the fact and fell further into self loathing.

"What did you mean by retirement?"

"I won't play professionally for a while. My music which has changed so drastically will not be received well so might as well quit when I can."

Kaori looked away, she had no right to say anything more. Even so she was undeniably angry at him, angry that he had not asked her for her opinion on the matter at all.

"Someone once said to me that my music was based on tragedy. It makes sense when you think about all the greatest pianists in the world. They all had a fractured life that made their music unique. If anything I just wanted her music to live on inside all her listeners, but now that so many years have gone past some of her details begin to fade from her memories. And then I met you. Miyazono Kaori, you have changed the reason I perform."

"Sorrow and heartache," she whispered turning to face him. Although his voice was firm, his face was twisted into agony and she wished she could ease the pain somehow. Arima Kousei was only a human after all. An event that drastically changes how one lives would shake anybody.

"But, I want you to sound happier," Kaori said turning to him. "Your footsteps that you have taken from the very beginning to the end were not meaningless, so there is no need to start over."

"Thank you," he said warmly.

Their hands touched and naturally joined together.

"You don't need to start over," she repeated.

He didn't reply, even as the bus began to pull in next to them. The single door at the front began to open and Arima released his grip on her. Kaori stood there stunned, wanting to stop him and hear his reply but the look on grief on his face stopped the words.

"Don't worry, I'm still on my journey," he said without turning around.

He left.  
And just like that Kaori felt like the events that occurred before had put an even greater distance between them.

* * *

She hadn't slept well. Kaori woke up in the early hours after tossing and turning the whole night. When the Sun began to rise she gave up and rose to the bathroom readying her make-up gear. As expected her eyes were blood shot and dark rings were beginning to form under her eyes. There was no amount of makeup that could save this. Dejected she washed her face and swiftly changed into a thick woollen skirt and left the house.

The morning air hit her, a refreshing chill that stimulated her senses. Kaori breathed in deeply as she walked to the university. The normal bus journey seemed too long and boring. Her mind occupied purely by Arima Kousei.

"It's a green light."

Kaori snapped out of her thoughts and despite herself a smile crept to her lips. He already had an arm around her left shoulder drawing her into an awkward embrace. She knew she needed to say something witty in return but her mind seemed to stop working after inhaling his scent.

"I was waiting for you," she said softly. Her feet had not moved since reaching the crossing and subconsciously she knew exactly why.

"It's not even 7 yet. Who were you expecting?"

"Won't you get in trouble if people see us in the open?"

"I'm glad that you care," he said with an audible sigh meaning that he did not share those worries.

Kaori opened her eyes to chance a look at him. His blue eyes were also blood shot but unlike her, his hands were shaking with obvious tension. Knowing him…

"How long were you playing until last night?"

"… late."

Her fingertips traced his own shyly. If Kaori was more forward she would have jumped on him for being so reserved yet adorable. His emotions now showed more clearly on his face and her heart constricted painfully when she could tell the obvious disarray on his face.

"Let's go inside," she suggested.

He nodded in agreement and they made their way across the road, up the double doors and towards the music practice rooms. No words needed to be exchanged as to which room they wanted so they silently entered and took their positions with their instruments ready.

"Brahms? Mozart?" she asked eager to start.

"… Rachmaninov."

From that she knew exactly what he wanted to play. His first few notes were precise and accurate, technically nothing had changed about his playing but his sound was mellow and somewhat… brittle.

Her palms began to sweat as it neared her section, she had not played since the confession yesterday.  
Had she recovered? She needed to know.

The sound was true!

And music began to overflow with happiness as her finegrs began to jump across the strings in a high tempo. Kousei looked shocked and tried to keep his pace but whatever he did could not outshadow her role as the primary lead. Notes cascaded onto each other overlapping the melodies in intricate passages but it was clear that it was the violin was the lead. She wanted to stop to ask if he was okay, but his notes never faded, continued to flow and she had to reply in kind.

Her fingers felt light.  
Her arm was powerful.

Her music spread across the 4 corners and even beyond the sound proof room.

An array or colour filled her vision, watercolours littered across the horizon as the warmth of music wrapped her world in golden rays.  
This was the scenery that he was gazing on for so long.  
A world filled with light.

She felt the music through her touch, her smell, her taste… exquisite.

Her fingers continued to dance along the strings. The music could no longer reach her but she knew what it must have sounded like. Happiness, elation, comfort, love… a pure sound that shattered through all her insecurities. Arima was right all along, she was like him and because of that she could feel the same music as him.  
For once in her life she was grateful for the hell that broke her. It was because of that, that she could meet him.

 _I student A, am in love with you._

She knew it reached him. The song must have been approaching the final moments as her movements began to become more desparate. A sense of not wanting the feeling of euphoria to go.  
If only there was a last coda again.  
If only she was sure that she could reach this height of music again.

And through the chaos of colours shone his sound, cutting straight through her happy melody. Such a deep and hollow sound finally made her realise that it was not Arima Kousei's music that had changed, if anyone had been listening to his notes they would have deemed it beautiful.  
It was not his music that changed, but her hearing was infinitely sharper. His notes were clean, mistake free with a perfect pedal control, but even so his sound was soft.

 _Oh, that explains it…_

She opened her eyes fully to look upon her teacher who had tears streaking down the side of his cheeks. Kaori now fully understood him, under all that splendour of music his heart was aching and full of doubt. His sorrow was the foundation of his music and now it was crumbling with sadness now expelled from him. Arima Kousei had lost none of his skill, he was always as technically adept as he had always been.

But his sound was no longer as pure, without an anchor and without direction.

He was chasing after something that was ephemeral now and although beautiful, could not possibly move the hearts of others like he would normally do. Kaori now understood that he was no longer a solo performer at this time, but a accompanist for her.

"Bravo, Miyazono Kaori. Your music was beautiful."

And even through his sadness Arima seemed proud.

It broke her heart.

His smile which was full of so much complex emotion that she was truly conflicted how to comfort him. Kaori wanted to hold him close as he did her in her greatest time of need, but she couldn't approach him. She was petrified by the weight of responsibility laden onto her shoulders.

"But…" he continued now adjusting his glasses, "What was your excuse of that missed note on bar 67?"

"H-Huh?" she exclaimed noticing how strict he had become. She was taken aback by his forceful tone but his reprimanding did not stop there.

"And don't think I didn't notice how you did not play that tied note in bar 34, the triplet in bar 92 was very messy and you made it difficult to listen when you repeated it in bar 122."

Kaori tried not to laugh as she slowly nodded. This was Arima Kousei, strong, mature and unpredictable. On his shoulders bore the expectation of the world yet he did not crumble. His selfishness and at the same time generosity were both insane.

He ate the things he wanted.

He played the music he wanted

He acted just the way he wanted.

He looked at the face of despair and fought against it.

"Bravo Arima Kousei," she whispered. Her teacher had her full respect and trust. With him by her side she would be able to see a stage like no other.

"Of course I'll spot those mistakes, there is no need to congratulate me for those minor box ticking parts. You will need a lot of practice before you stand on stage again."

She smiled in response. Kaori now had a goal, her eyes would now fix onto the future with her new teacher by her side and one day… one day they would perform together just like they did before.

Not as student and teacher.

But as equals.

As he had saved her from the depths of despair, forcing her to face the ugly shades of music, she would produce the performance that would pull him out of his own suffering.

"You're pretty cool right now," she complimented him.

"I-I know, thanks."

He couldn't hide his blush from her and she smiled knowing that Kaori had finally found his weak spot.  
It was her.

She set the violin on top of the piano, earning a look of disapproval from Kousei but it was silenced with an embrace.

"Where to next Arima Kousei?"

"There's a concert in Vienna next month. Then Barcelona perhaps or maybe we should consider going to China whe-"

"Thank you for being with me," she interrupted. Kaori closed her eyes burying her face into his hair. He was too serious now, but in this she could clearly see another side of the man she loved.

"I'll always be with you," they both whispered.


	6. Epilogue: Journey

**Epilogue**

 **Mozart said: Let's go on a Journey**

* * *

Tsubaki had heard of his return to Japan but couldn't quite believe it. He was always a bit of a loner so never really accustomed himself to normal behaviour but the least that Arima Kousei could do was send a message when he would be back. The only reason that she knew of this news was because Emi had sent word in advance.

"Wait until I get my hands on you, you little 4 eyed punk!"

It felt weird bad mouthing her precious friend, but it felt deserved. When was the last time they had seen each other? 6 years ago?

Tsubaki had nothing but rage to describe this ongoing time.

"Gahhh why does he have to be so infuriating?!"

When the taxi driver coughed uncomfortably, Tsubaki remembered what time and place was. She apologised and continued looking out of the window. Despite everything she was worried about Arima Kousei. He had not appeared in public for more than 2 years and in that time she had heard many rumours.

Especially one involving an uprising new talent called Miyazono Kaori.

"I can't believe he did something so stupid!"

She knew the driver was sweating in nervousness but she didn't care. Tsubaki had paved his life in front of him. Working hard to become influential, working hard to make sure there was always someone looking out for him, working _so_ hard that she had not even experienced love and yet he was out womanising a woman that was barely a woman when they met!

Tsubaki arrived outside the Tokyo Concert Hall and gave the taxi driver a hefty tip. She then walked towards the double doors which were shut, she was 4 hours early but it was the best time to catch the performers themselves.

"Miss, this place is not open to the public yet."

The security guard opened the doors and politely bowed to her in apology. She was impressed with his professionalism and smiled back in response.

"I'm expecting someone to take me inside, pay me no heed."

"It's cold out miss, I am uncomfortable with you standing out here to wait."

He was right. She was wearing a long skirt which spanned below her knees but her tights were thin. Tsubaki had dressed for the occasion and her coat, although stylish was doing a garbage job at fighting the winter wind.

"Tell Mr Ryota Watari that Suwabe Tsubaki is looking for him."

"Okay, wait inside please."

She entered through the front entrance and walked towards the reception hall where the ticket masters were counting out metallic plates and making sure that the cloak room had all the tags arranged in the right order. Tsubaki was impressed by their work ethic but was distracted by the prospect of seeing her elusive friends again.

"Hey, why did you arrive an hour before we agreed to meet?"

Watari looked annoyed as he hastily adjusted his tie. He looked just as handsome as he did back in school. Tall, well built and with a dress sense that was on-point, unlike a certain person.

"I was in the area," she said shrugging.

"You wanted to see Kousei that badly?" he joked.

"Yes."

"As do I," he replied in all seriousness. After Kaori had left them both, Watari's happy by go lucky personality suddenly sharpened and he became deathly serious towards his studies. Now a public servant he had influence over many of the educational policies that were passed on.

"You look well," he commented eyeing her up with his perverse stare. "Damn you filled out nicely!"

But some things never changed! She gestured that she would slap him earning an endearing laugh.  
They both heard the door opening.

It was like they were both waiting forever, raising their expectations. The performers that would fill out the 3 hour concert, a duo that was never before meant to play together but against all odds made it onto a world stage.

For the performers their friends had struggled, struggled to gain a name among themselves so that they would be strong enough to stand by their side. Tsubaki cried out upon seeing the messy black hair of a person she knew so well.

And beside him a foreign beauty, blonde hair, rosy cheeks with an appearance much like the Kaori of the past, but undeniably different. Their hands were clasped tightly together and Tsubaki knew that their relationship was intimate.

"Oh," he said softly looking towards the both of them. "Long time no see."

"Hi," Watari said nervously, but Tsubaki continued to just stare. Her brain stopped working and she was very aware of it.

"This is Kaori," Kousei said. "She looks similar to our friend from the past right?"

"Yes," Watari breathed.

"H-Hey there," the girl said shyly.

Tsubaki through all of her jealousy could not help but admit that Kaori was adorable. The girl continued to edge uncomfortably away from their stares.

"You have guts to say _long time no see!_ " Tsubaki fumed!

The raise in volume made them all shudder and her frustrations started to spill out uncontrollably. How dare he not contact her over the years! How dare he just quit piano after they had worked so hard to catch up to him… how dare he find someone else…

"Sorry!" Arima said holding up his hands, "I have been busy!"

In this she knew that he was telling the truth. Once this idiot got focused on something then everything around him became obsolete.

"One phone call… scrap that, one text would have sufficed!"

"That _is_ pretty bad of you," Kaori said. "The amount of texts you sent me could be less you know. You should treasure your friends."

"Exactly!" Tsubaki said feeling camaraderie from her envy.

Kousei looked shocked and turned to his male friend for support, but much to her delight Watari only shrugged and looked the other way.  
Looks like she was not the only one that was jealous.

"I'll make a conscious effort in the future…" he stammered out.

"I'll make sure of it," Kaori added.

Tsubaki's heart tightened as they continued their small talk. They were closer than she first anticipated. It was clear that they both relied on each other deeply, that they both struggled together through difficult times.

"We should really get to practising," Kousei said. "We will see you later for a late dinner?"

"Sounds good," Watari said.

She nodded and watched them walk off. Painful… it was the only way she could describe this emotion. The way that Kaori tugged on his arm… their stares of passion, it was harder than she thought.

"You're being too obvious," Watari said.

"Shut up…"

"They looked good together right?"

"Yes."

"She seemed nice too."

"I know."

"I thought you got over him."

"… you too."

Nothing really worked out for the both of them and in the end they walked their separate paths. There was no shame in their efforts. Affections from the past would always be there no matter how much you tried to bury them.

"I need to meet some people too," Watari said after a few seconds of silence.

"I'll see you later then."

"Don't cry."

"I... I'm going to kick you!"

* * *

The duo walked onto the stage. The chandelier lights were bright and the sound of applause filled their ears. Kaori smiled as she soaked up the atmosphere and held her violin high in her signature wave. Kousei in comparison looked pale, but held his head high. She could relate, his first major performance after years and the media were hot on this trail.

Flashes from cameras.

They were not allowed but still the light show continued. Kaori didn't mind.

 _Immortalise it!_

Kousei also became more relaxed the closer he got to the centre of the stage.

This was the second performance that they would have, the first when they had met and now years later he had returned.

The great Arima Kousei.

He had become an urban legend, a child with the music to move thousands. Now with experience on his shoulders what kind of sound would he produce?

"They're looking at you too," he said with a slight smile.

Her look of adoration towards him must have been too obvious. She giggled and still kept her gaze. They had experienced a lot and he had kept his word.  
Kaori herself had become a well known violinist.

20 competitions a year, a harsh training regime which included frequent travels to other countries… she would not have it any other way. With the person by her side she had explored the world and went to the depths of music.

"Are you watching father?"

"He's watching," he confirmed looking to the crowd and beyond.

Kaori beamed at the still ongoing applause before gesturing for Kousei to take his seat. As much as she loved him, her eagerness to linger in the music was still irresistible. Her fingertips tingled with electricity. Her anticipation of the first few chords made her lips quiver in excitement.

This was the beginning of Arima Kousei's new journey. And what a partner she would be if she did not welcome him into the depths of music with a burst of sound?

Mozart K301.

Let us go on a journey Arima.

The beginning was meant to be quiet, it was meant to describe the peace and tranquillity of nature…

And she lost none of that tranquillity in her gleeful strokes.  
And he responded in kind.

The large chords they both powered through, and with every movement of her bow she felt a connection with Arima. It was fine like this. The chaos of noise filled them both, but it was a beautiful chaos. They were fighting for the centre stage, fighting to be heard.

Kaori had the advantage, her high elongated notes were next.

But Kousei played with passion and she felt her sound getting drowned out.

 _Student A, don't get too ahead of yourself!_

She felt his message and Kaori felt herself become his accompanist. As crazy as Arima was, he was on the verge of disrespecting the music and she was shocked by his resolve.

She needed to match this Arima, otherwise they would not be able to harmonise into something special.

This was their performance and their stage. They would therefore perform as if it was their last.

Had this been a competition they would have lost.

But this was not, this was their stage!  
The key switched to minor and his piano softened and she matched his pace. His sound became so mellow and full of emotion that a lump rose to her throat.

 _How did he make that sound?!_

She was still a ways off him, but Kaori tried her best to produce her own note of sadness. An image flashed in her mind of her father and even she was surprised by the vibrations that she was making.

But within that despair, the hands of Arima saved her.  
And it was from that moment on that Kaori knew that Arima was her partner in music forever.

 _Thank you for being with me._

Their music became playful, joy spreading from her fingertips onto the crowd beyond. She felt a similar emotion erupting from Kousei's music and they harmonised into such sounds that became indescribable. There were emotions of sadness that would break through people's defences, but there were also times of happiness that would illicit tears.

And she felt them threatening to roll down her cheeks.

It was coming to the final few bars. She didn't want it to end. They had so many more pieces to play, but she wanted this music to extend forever, to be enveloped in this soft happiness. The rise and fall of her bow was quickening into a blur as a fast chromatic approached. His music joined with her and she no longer remembered anything else but the lingering of notes.

 _Don't let it end._

Kaori turned as she played the last note, looking towards her pianist.

One look between them was all they needed to confirm their connection, but she still wanted to say it.

"Will you continue being with me?"

"I will be with you forever!"

The applause was thunderous, and she waved her bow towards the crowd in delight. In the front row she saw Arima's two friends transfixed in awe. The reaction pleased her and she continued to bask in the afterglow. Arima stayed in his seat, but even as she readied her position for the next piece he was still looking far away.

"Was this the stage you desired?" she asked.

"More than anything," he whispered in response. There were no other words left between them, they would continue to play until their sounds would go down in history.

Bravo Miyazono Kaori.

Bravo Arima Kousei.


End file.
